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This note seeks attention of all those friends, associates, networkers, who have been writing to me while I was away for a long period meanwhile. Some of you have asked me for some relevant materials of your respective choices to work on, collect presentations, and provide with anything that may be of some help to those working on university assignments, corporate briefings/meetings, and/or training specific requirements. I must apologize to all of them since I, on account of an unfortunate accident, have suffered severe vertebra and spinal problem a couple of months back, which, thence, keeps me from spending my time sitting before desktops. I am not quite comfortable standing, sitting, and working as frequently as I used to earlier. Therefore, I am sorry again if any delay from my end has caused you guys any inconvenience; on the other hand I do hope that you guys will understand and excuse me for this for now until I am fully convalesced to become available to actively participate on forums and contribute to your requirements.
Now, yes... Effective listening - Part III & IV, are collectively presented below. Enjoy the read.
Effective Listening
Effective Listening: Listen, Learn, Achieve…!
In Part - II, we learnt that the different types or levels of communication include: 1) Facts; 2) Thoughts and Beliefs; and 3) Feelings and Emotions. And we looked at how to best respond to each. The common denominator here is to stop talking and to really pay attention to the speaker and the message he or she is delivering.
Now, we shall look at more listening tools, including ones we believe will make a very strong impact on your overall success as you work to become a better listener.
Effective "Parroting"
Having already established the importance of stopping talking, you may find that the strongest tool you can use to ensure you hear the message being sent to you is to simply paraphrase (use your own words) in "parroting" back the message to the sender.
When doing this, strive to:
1. Repeat the facts
2. Share the thoughts and beliefs you heard
3. Convey any underlying feelings and emotions you believe are involved
4. Take the time to communicate the message sender's wants, needs and expectations
In doing this, you will find that the most successful listener doesn't respond just to the words he or she hears. Instead, they look beyond the words for the feelings and the intent. By doing this, you ensure you receive the entire message every time.
Other tools and techniques for becoming the best listener possible include containing your desire to ask questions during the process in which the speaker is sending the message to you.
Instead, continue to listen intently. Remember, the answer to your question may be in the message, but you have to continue listening.
Once you are fairly certain you understand the message, you can quit actively listening and respond with your own message (one that reaches beyond "parroting" the sender's message).
Finding the Right Balance
For, to be an effective listener, you need to find a balance among listening, hearing and responding. This does mean revealing your own position or providing appropriate input/feedback, but only at the right time.
In the event there is confusion, make sure you send the message back that you are unsure of what is being said or perhaps that you need clarification on a few points. This step, although it may seem otherwise, is actually part of listening.
Allow the sender of the original message to clarify without interrupting. Feel free to ask him or her to say it another way, but give the sender the opportunity to clear up any misunderstandings before you jump back in.
Can you now see how effective listening now becomes more of an interactive process?
Continue to use eye contact and the "listening" body language we discussed in other articles in this four-part series. Be careful about crossing your arms or do anything that may be interpreted as being closed or critical, as both will damage the sender's ability to provide you with a clear message and will negate your best efforts to effectively listen.
Do your best to remain empathetic and non-judgmental. Work to be accepting and respectful of the person and their feelings and beliefs (even if you do not agree) without invalidating or sharing your own position.
Clearing Hurdles...
As we have previously pointed out, even your best efforts to become an effective listener can be thwarted by some all-too-common hurdles. We have briefly touched on a few of these, but have not included all of the following.
Be wary of rehearsing what you might want to say before you say it: This has your mind focused on your next comment and not the speaker's message.
Be careful about judging the sender and the message too early: If you judge someone to be incompetent, you are likely to not place importance on his or her message. What if your judgment is wrong? Perhaps they know exactly what they are talking about, and their message is of great importance to you or your work.
And fight the urge to identify with everything the sender says to you. If you take everything you are told and relate it back to your own thoughts or experiences, you are not allowing yourself to understand how it relates to the sender. This is one of the most important components of effective listening.
Even if you feel certain you have the solution to the problem being conveyed to you, take the time to hear everything the sender is conveying before conveying this. Don't spend the time you should be listening working to come up with answers. During this time, you may miss what is most important.
While you are listening, do not argue or debate with the speaker (if necessary, this can come later). Arguing too early may convey that you are disagreeable or that your focus is on finding things to disagree with, instead of hearing the message. Remember, "parrot" the message then engage in dialogue that is empathetic and constructive, but only after you have listened and heard all the speaker is conveying.
Everyone wants to be right, making it tough to combat the urge to twist the facts, make excuses or skew the message so that it favors our views. Yet, being right is not nearly as important as being informed, especially when it comes to your success!
Sure, you want to be nice and supportive, as you should; but, do not placate. Being liked or popular is not the goal here. Hearing the message and acting accordingly is.
Lastly, do not pretend to be listening. Sometimes this is the toughest thing to do, particularly when we're rushing to get something done. Many of us find our minds drifting to our next appointment, preparing for the upcoming meeting for our boss, or thinking ahead to that incoming phone call. When it comes to effective listening, living in that moment is of the utmost importance.
In the final article of this four-part series on listening, which is followed right below, I provide you with an outline for active listening, one that can be shared with team members, colleagues, and even spouses and friends. Happy listening!
Effective Listening
Listen, and Improve Your Performance.
In Part - III, we shared with you information on the most common hurdles that stand in the way of effective listening and provided some common sense tools you can use to clear these hurdles and to become a more effective listener in no time at all.
In this, the final article of this four-part series on effective listening, I provide you with a "cheat sheet" that contains an outline covering tried and true suggestions for becoming a more effective listener.
As I conveyed earlier, please feel free to share this information with your colleagues, as the ultimate goal should be to educate the entire team on this topic so that everyone may become better listeners and even better communicators.
Stop Talking
We start by simply reviewing the basics, which start with the most common mistake made when striving to be a more effective listener. Simple as it may seem, the most important thing to remember is to stop talking.
Pay Attention to the Purpose and the Words
Once you do this, commit the time and attention needed to actually hear the sender's message. In doing this, you may find it most useful to, whenever possible, establish your purpose for listening even before the communication begins. For instance, consider what you want your listening efforts to achieve. This can help ensure the results you (and the person you are listening to) can be obtained.
Eliminate Distractions
Next, concentrate on the message by eliminating internal and external distractions. For instance, if you are listening as a member of a group, work to ensure other members do not enter the meeting late, or exit early – both of which can distract the person speaking, as well as disrupt those listening. And, if you are having a one-on-one meeting with someone, work to eliminate distractions such as phone calls or interruptions from another colleague.
Take Notes Using Shorthand or Key Words Only
While listening, it's perfectly acceptable to take notes. However, when taking notes, make sure to pay close attention, which includes making periodic eye contact, asking questions and paying attention to the non-verbal messages (body language, tone changes, etc.) being sent to you by the speaker. Even the best listener will find this difficult. Therefore, when taking notes, write down only key words or phrases, the things you will need to trigger the message instead of writing down complete thoughts or sentences, which can distract you from listening. (Obviously, remember to expand notes afterwards, while the meaning of these key phrases is still fresh in your mind).
Ask Questions
As I previously explained, questions are a vital component of effective listening. Instead of interrupting the speaker, try jotting down a word or two that will help you recall the questions that come to mind while you are listening. Again, this should not interrupt your listening; rather enhance it. This way, when the speaker has finished talking, you have what you need to ask relative, informed questions, which will help ensure you interpret the sender's message correctly.
"Parroting" is a Must
Parroting, as explained above, is one of the strongest tools you can use to ensure you are an effective listener. You may remember - this includes repeating the message back to the sender. This allows the sender of the message to clarify any misunderstandings.
Follow-Up is Key
Once you are reasonably sure you have heard the message and now understand the message sender's intent, you will undoubtedly find it beneficial to follow-up with a written clarification, one that serves to highlight the most important parts of the message, such as deadlines, project goals, costs, concerns, etc. This can be done in a quick email or memo. When doing this, it is most productive to request a reply. This is just one additional step you can take to ensure you heard the message and interpreted it correctly.
Remain Flexible and Observant (before, during and after communication process)
Most importantly, when working to optimize your listening skills, remain flexible and observant. Work to understand the reason the communication is taking place for (considering the objectives of the sender, taking into account any mental, emotional, physical or even environmental or cultural factors that may influence this). Observe the sender and be flexible and open to his or her needs. This may require agreeing on a meeting place that is quiet, or perhaps even neutral (not one of your personal office spaces, but a meeting or conference room) or even on a meeting time outside of the times you normally would attend meetings. For instance, if you know the sender of the message is at his or her best in the morning, consider adjusting your schedule ever so slightly to better accommodate this individual's preference.
By taking extra steps such as this, you put the message sender at ease, which will help alleviate any confusion and allow you to hear loud and clear everything the sender is working to convey.
Balance Ensures Effective Listening Success…
As always, balance is the key to effective listening. The conversation between the message sender and the message receiver is a delicate dance and, even though your goal may be to simply hear the message, it requires give and take from both parties, from the beginning stages of the communication process down to the end, or to the last word. So, go ahead; and yes… happy listening! J
Thanks & regards
Yours in HR
Kashan Akram
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